awaking my spirit

I have been doing a lot of thinking today, thinking about my life and the way things are going for me and my family. for the last few years we have been feeling over whelmed with so many changes in our lives. Several years ago we moved into a home that Alan grew up in, his Dad built it many years ago before Alan was even born and it is in desperate need of repairs, every time we look around we find more things wrong with it, every time we do something that improves our home a little more, the more things we find wrong with it. We are not rich people, we have made many mistakes in our past that has lead to poor credit and a fear to apply for any type of loan, we struggle along making the changes we can afford little by little. Everyday it feels like we are just barely keeping our heads above water, there are so many responsibilities on us and so many tasks to accomplish and so many people who always seem to need our help. For several years now we have been putting the house and other peoples needs before our own, we rarely get to do the things we used to enjoy, we don't take road trips, we don't go to amusement parks or the beach in the summer. We stay home muddling through the daunting tasks that our new home has required of us and never really able to see where much progress has been made for all of our hard work and NEVER feeling like we have the time to rest. The most difficult thing that I used to worry about was what other people thought, how even our own Family sometimes do not understand why or how we don't just change the the way our house is, but I am not going to worry about that any longer,

Our house is not perfect but, it is our home!

Inside the walls of this dwelling is a home filled with love, a family within it's less than perfect frame work that cares about one another and that's what makes it home.

But, You know I am learning that the biggest reason we feel so stressed and over whelmed, the reason we don't see those changes that we are working so hard for and the reason we feel so unsettled and without rest is that we have put all these things before God...

its like being knocked in the head and waking up to say WOW what did I do?

So from now on, I am putting all of my needs into Gods hands and I know he will show us the way.

God wants us to have what we need and if God thinks we are where we should be at this time in our life, well then I am accepting of that and when he feels that we have proven ourselves to him, well I know in my heart that he will remove these burdens from us... I know, I have a lot of proving to show to God and it is about time I realize that and work hard to please him first, then I believe everything else will fall into place as it should.

Thank You God for opening my eyes to the root cause of all our struggles!

and I already know you have forgiven me because you are wonderful like that, from now on I want to put you first and ask for your guidance on all of the decisions we make because I know we can not go wrong when we do!

Thank You for awaking my Spirit!